Would a Narcissist Let You Die?
Sadly, I know I’m not the only one who has asked this question
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Would they really go that far?
I almost died once while I was alone with a narcissist.
I remember reaching a point where I thought I could live or die and choosing to live. That was the rock bottom that forced me to face the reality of my relationship with this person. But that is a story for another day.
I haven’t thought much about it besides the decision I made. I felt alone that morning. I faced a choice to live or die by myself.
Why does this surprise me? I was alone in the relationship all along. Why wouldn’t I be alone when I faced death as he stood over me observing the situation?
I do know he didn’t touch me or offer any physical comfort. Cold, remote, emotionless, calculating. Just as he always was unless someone was there to watch his performance.
The narcissist never told me that they were afraid they would lose me. They never expressed any sadness for what had happened to me.
The narcissist was happy to get lots of attention over my near-death experience from family and coworkers. The narcissist was the dutiful caretaker who helped me recover. There was never any mention of how much wasn’t done when I needed it the most.
I may never know if the narcissist would have let me die that day. I think the fact that I am now questioning their motives says it all. Somedays I feel like I was just an actor in the narcissist’s fantasy world and that’s how they wanted it to be. I wonder if they calculated whether it would be better for me to live or die in their story.
Now I am free and I never have to be in a situation where this person can play god with my life again.
Were you ever in a situation like this with a narcissist?
Facing the Tough Questions
Asking myself whether the narcissist would let me die or not was a huge blow to my sense of self-worth. What does it mean about you if someone doesn’t think your life has enough value to call 911 so you can receive help?
I do know that I no longer allow a narcissist to influence my worth. Someone who would play lightly with another person’s life should not be someone we look to for an opinion of our character.
I try not to look to anyone else to find my value. I answer the question by thinking about who God says I am. That’s all I need to know. As long as I am being true to myself and the moral code I follow I am living the way I should.
Follow-Up
I published the original version of this article asking if a narcissist would let you die instead of helping you a few months ago. I have since taken it down to help me protect my anonymity. I wasn’t sure how it would go over. Sometimes I feel like I’m overreacting or overthinking(the abuser accused me of that many times) about what happened to me during my narcissistic relationship.
It was difficult to read the responses to that article and find out that so many felt or experienced something similar. I shouldn’t have even wondered if others could relate. The commonalities I have read in other stories or heard from other survivors are jaw-droppingly similar. It makes you think these people share DNA or use the same narc abuse manual to live their lives.
I am angry that others have to wonder if their spouse, partner, or parent would sit by and watch them die or even have a hand in their death.
How do we change this world we live in?
The only answer I have is that we speak up and share our experiences in the hope that others will hear, relate, and begin to come out of denial.
Those who come out of this type of abuse need to be heard. When you speak of your experiences you begin to realize the truth. You begin to come out of denial and face the big question of what to do about it. And then your life changes in ways you never could have predicted. You begin to live again.
You begin to crave freedom and peace.
❤ Julia
