Would they really go that far?
I almost died once while I was alone with a narcissist.
I remember reaching a point where I thought I could live or die and choosing to live. That was the rock bottom that forced me to face the reality of my relationship with this person. But that is a story for another day.
I haven’t thought much about it besides the decision I made. I felt alone that morning. I faced a choice to live or die by myself.
Why does this surprise me? I was alone in the relationship all along. Why wouldn’t I be alone when I faced death as he stood over me observing the situation?
I do know he didn’t touch me or offer any physical comfort. Cold, remote, emotionless, calculating. Just as he always was unless someone was there to watch his performance.
The narcissist never told me that they were afraid they would lose me. They never expressed any sadness for what had happened to me.
The narcissist was happy to get lots of attention over my near-death experience from family and coworkers. The narcissist was the dutiful caretaker who helped me recover. There was never any mention of how much wasn’t done when I needed it the most.
I may never know if the narcissist would have let me die that day. I think the fact that I am now questioning their motives says it all. Somedays I feel like I was just an actor in the narcissist’s fantasy world and that’s how they wanted it to be. I wonder if they calculated whether it would be better for me to live or die in their story.
Now I am free and I never have to be in a situation where this person can play god with my life again.
Were you ever in a situation like this with a narcissist?