Five Reasons Why People Stay With An Abusive Partner
They may have tried setting boundaries and experienced increased abuse as a consequence. If setting a simple boundary with someone who doesn’t want to let go of control causes more abuse what will happen if you leave?
Intuition. I think those in abusive and controlling relationships already know things will go crazy if they leave. They may not be able to admit the relationship is controlling but somehow know the abuser will lose it if the balance of power changes. They can’t even tell you this because they are in so deep.
They stay so they can protect their children. They know that their children are not safe with the abusive partner. Keeping watch over the abuser while the children are around gives them a false sense of keeping the kids safe. They diffuse situations before anyone gets hurt. What would happen if no one was around to keep the abuser from losing his temper while the children were with him?
They believe growing up in a two-parent household is better for their children than coming from a “broken home”. The thing they don’t realize is that the situation is already hopelessly broken and moving on so the children can have one safe home will be a vast improvement.
Their children are already difficult to handle because the abuser has begun to undermine their authority. The healthier parent is afraid that the children will not obey if the abuser is not around to back them up.
These are things I now realize I knew before I left. I never could have told you these things because they weren’t clear to me like the words on this screen are clear. I knew them deep in my heart but could never have explained it.
I don’t know if abusive people are consciously doing these things to keep victims trapped. Somehow to think that they are these great masterminds of controlling others gives them too much power. I would rather think their personality disorder works in this way regardless of their plans.
I do know how weak and pathetic they seem once you decide you will come out of denial and live your life in freedom instead of their world which is designed to destroy you.