Should Wives Submit and Obey Their Abusive Husbands

Or even their loving husbands?

Photo by Luwadlin Bosman on Unsplash

Submission. I have struggled with the concept that the Bible tells wives to submit to their husbands. I believed the teachings that if a wife was obeying her husband, God would bring her abusive husband into line. I waited for the day when my newly repentant husband would thank me.

I also believed the abusive claims that if my husband was not being held accountable and changed by God it was my fault. I wasn’t being obedient enough. His abuse was my fault in some way.

I am waking up to the problems with what I would maybe be brave enough to call “toxic” misuse of the Bible to make Christian women subject themselves to abusive men.

There are many problems with the above theories.

First, God doesn’t make us change. He can’t make horrible husbands repent and reform.

Second, I was never able to control God, my ex-husband, or this life by being “perfect” enough.

Third, the New Testament of the Bible tells us not to live in a legalistic way now that we have been set free from the law.

I am working through all the things I was forcing myself to believe in and do to “save” my ex-husband and our doomed marriage. I have been afraid to let go of these beliefs. To be free of them and live in peace.

I will seek truth straight from God’s word as I question everything I ever thought was true about marriage.

I recently listened to the interview below and was nodding enthusiastically and agreed with many things Natalie Hoffman shared about her experience. She read many books by Christian authors on marriage in an attempt to stay married to an emotionally and spiritually abusive man.

I read many of the same books and they are partly the reason I stayed so much longer than I would have. They helped me believe our marriage problems were because I was doing something wrong. They took the responsibility to be a good husband off of my ex and put it on me instead.

I think many women who are in difficult situations are reading these books and finding excuses to continue to take abuse from their husbands.

We need to stop making excuses for abuse and instead expose it for what it is so others can be set free.

Peace and love,

Julia