Recover Your Faith After Narcissistic Abuse
Being in an abusive relationship can stifle your faith in everything you know and believe in. You feel trapped in a horrible situation as if you were abandoned by God. The abuser becomes your god. A selfish, punishing god who hates you.
I had to learn that God was not the problem in my life. He was not forcing me to be in an abusive relationship and I would have to do the work to change things.
I removed the abuser from God’s place and my life began to change. I was lost for a little while as things began to be put to rights. A few months later I realized that my children were a higher priority than my faith and there was another change. Finally, I was able to cling to my faith again and it became the foundation of my life.
As we heal from abuse we realize our faith was always there waiting for us to find our center again. Even in the darkest moments, it was there for us to draw strength from.
I never want to make another person the center of my world again. It is not fair to them and I don’t want to be someone’s center either. To have been set free of someone else’s obsession has been a long, difficult process and I never want to go through this again.
My faith in God helped me overcome all the chaos that my life had become.
Here are some of the things that helped me recover my faith:
- I let go. I had to let go of my death grip on my marriage. Once my hands were open I could receive what God wanted to give me instead.
- I stopped putting my husband and children above God. This ended the chaos of seeking my worth from others. Now I know who I am and why I am here.
- I opened my eyes to the truth. I had to be willing to see why my life was so messed up. I had to be willing to trust God with it and to do the work He set before me. We have to put action behind our trust and take those first baby steps into our future so our lives can change.
- I listened to others who had a broader perspective on my life. I had to trust the wisdom of others over the confusion I was living in. I couldn’t see the truth because of all the lies I lived with. Listening to the wise counsel of friends I could trust and acting on their good advice helped me move to freedom.
- I began to reach out to others. I had to become reconnected to the community around me to break the brainwashing that comes with isolation. Once you begin to be around normal people you can see how bad your situation is.
- I started going to church and attending Al-Anon meetings. I chose a sponsor and started working on my own recovery from being in a relationship with an alcoholic. Learning that I was not to blame for what he was doing helped me see more truth.
My process of regaining my faith was slow but steady. I believe God will not reveal more to you than you can handle. I was buried under many years of lies and pain so it took months before I could see my situation more clearly. Even with all my work to regain my faith I had to live in a domestic violence shelter for weeks of no contact with the abuser before I could admit our relationship was abusive.
Did your faith suffer in an abusive relationship? Have you begun to recover your faith and true self after leaving?