Psychological Abuse From a Narcissist Will Destroy Your Dreams
You should never lose hope for the future
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Losing My Dreams
I’m not sure the rate at which your dreams fall to the wayside when you are in a relationship with a narcissist but I know that by 20 years I had lost almost all of mine.
The only dreams I had left before the very end were the dreams we shared for our future. I felt guilty for even imagining a dream that didn’t align with the abuser’s vision for our future. It was like he had taken over my mind completely. I still don’t know how this works but attribute it to psychological abuse.
When he began his last affair and got pulled into the deep mire of alcoholism I lost even the dreams of our future together. I wasn’t sure if he would live for more than five years anyway.
I had long believed we would buy a house again and the time was right when he shattered that dream. He told me he would not buy a house for many years. Our family did not deserve our own home and he would not provide it for us.
Holding Onto My Last Dream
For some reason, I refused to let go of this last dream I held for my family. In an act of defiance, I signed up for an email list from a realtor and began to look at homes for sale each week.
I remember feeling so guilty for going against him by daring to dream I might have a home of my own someday. He was so far into my mind that I felt like a horrible wife for having an opinion that went against his.
I remember one day I was looking at houses when he walked into our room and asked what I was doing. I hastily closed my browser and made an excuse for the laptop opened before me.
I was afraid he would be angry that I dared to dream of something he didn’t want.
I think holding onto this one tiny bit of hope for my future helped me start to come out of denial about my relationship and who I was married to.
Learning to Dream Again
When I finally left the abuser I had to relearn what I liked before I could begin to dream again. I was afraid to even dream of having custody of my own children at first because of where I lived and all that I had lost.
One day while I was still at the domestic violence shelter I came home from work and one of the women who worked there asked me to choose any furniture I liked from the donations that had come in. I chose some lovely antique pieces for my new home which I hoped I would have someday.
Another day I was shown the beds that had been stored for me and my children. I know the women could see I was losing hope for my future and wanted me to know they believed in me.
After I chose the dressers, a couch, and other items for my home I began to work harder to earn enough for a deposit on an apartment near where my children lived. Every day I would go visit my couch which sat in a hallway and remember that one day I would have a home of my own again.
Our dreams are so important to hold onto whether we are single or in a relationship. I think if you lose your dreams in a relationship it is a huge red flag that something is not right. You could be struggling with depression or a controlling spouse. We must never lose ourselves again as survivors.
Never stop dreaming!
❤ Julia
