Psychological Abuse From a Narcissist Will Destroy Your Dreams
You should never lose hope for the future
Losing My Dreams
I’m not sure the rate at which your dreams fall to the wayside when you are in a relationship with a narcissist but I know that by 20 years I had lost almost all of mine.
The only dreams I had left before the very end were the dreams we shared for our future. I felt guilty for even imagining a dream that didn’t align with the abuser’s vision for our future. It was like he had taken over my mind completely. I still don’t know how this works but attribute it to psychological abuse.
When he began his last affair and got pulled into the deep mire of alcoholism I lost even the dreams of our future together. I wasn’t sure if he would live for more than five years anyway.
I had long believed we would buy a house again and the time was right when he shattered that dream. He told me he would not buy a house for many years. Our family did not deserve our own home and he would not provide it for us.
Holding Onto My Last Dream
For some reason, I refused to let go of this last dream I held for my family. In an act of defiance, I signed up for an email list from a realtor and began to look at homes for sale each week.
I remember feeling so guilty for going against him by daring to dream I might have a home of my own someday. He was so far into my mind that I felt like a horrible wife for having an opinion that went against his.
I remember one day I was looking at houses when he walked into our room and asked what I was doing. I hastily closed my browser and made an excuse for the laptop opened before me.
I was afraid he would be angry that I dared to dream of something he didn’t want.
I think holding onto this one tiny bit of hope for my future helped me start to come out of denial about my relationship and who I was married to.
Learning to Dream Again
When I finally left the abuser I had to relearn what I liked before I could begin to dream again. I was afraid to even dream of having custody of my own children at first because of where I lived and all that I had lost.
One day while I was still at the domestic violence shelter I came home from work and one of the women who worked there asked me to choose any furniture I liked from the donations that had come in. I chose some lovely antique pieces for my new home which I hoped I would have someday.
Another day I was shown the beds that had been stored for me and my children. I know the women could see I was losing hope for my future and wanted me to know they believed in me.
After I chose the dressers, a couch, and other items for my home I began to work harder to earn enough for a deposit on an apartment near where my children lived. Every day I would go visit my couch which sat in a hallway and remember that one day I would have a home of my own again.
Our dreams are so important to hold onto whether we are single or in a relationship. I think if you lose your dreams in a relationship it is a huge red flag that something is not right. You could be struggling with depression or a controlling spouse. We must never lose ourselves again as survivors.
Never stop dreaming!