My Life is in His Hands

Learning to let go

I dig my hands into the sand and scoop up a handful of golden grittiness. As I lift them, sand begins to drain away as an hourglass drains away the time. The wind blows, gently arcing the sand away from my body and carrying it off to settle on the shore as I walk along balancing myself on the shifting foundation beneath me.

My hands are covered lightly with grains that catch the light of the sunset and sparkle deceptively as if they were diamonds. Nothing is left of all I held as I slide my hands past each other, and every speck falls away.

Such is the control I think I have over others. The tighter I hold on the further they fly from me on the wind. I wait as they run from me, saddened at the years which now seem like a waste.

What I don’t see is the people who are approaching me from behind to take their place. Once I turn around, I see friends and family who have been waiting to reconnect with me and new friends willing to encourage and provide more love and acceptance than those who crept away could have ever given.

I am surrounded by kindness as I am torn down to the mores of my foundation and rebuilt on something much stronger than the sandy foundation I had been living on. I am dug deep down to the rock and now I begin to stand taller and take on the world which I had been so afraid to face before.

I become more confident that He is working for me as I see Him provide for every need and keep me safe through the storms. Every bad thing that has been used against me is turned around for my good. I am rested and cared for.

I know He holds me in His hands and I do not need to fear. I can be beaten and ground down but He will pick me up and care for my wounds with His tender mercy. He covers me in grace and pours His strength and love into me.

He is mine and I am His. The only action I had to take was to open my hands and let it all drain away so He could take my hand and lift me up. He will never let me freefall as I had feared. I float on the breeze gently from time to time and am even buffeted by a great wind once in a while but I am always tied as a kite to Him and cannot fall too far.

Now my walk along the beach is only a reminder of what used to be. There is sorrow in the remembering but cleansing also as the healing rains fall to wash the pain away. New memories take the place of the painful ones, crowding them out of my mind and providing a new peace I have never known before.

The new memories include Him. I have stopped pushing Him away and now invite Him into my life daily. Powerless over all but powerful with His love.

Let go and see what He will do.

Originally published July 2020 and updated July 2021



Julia Freeman, Trauma Recovery Coach in training

I believe survivors of narcissistic abuse and domestic violence deserve to live in freedom and peace.