My Rock Bottom Was Almost Dying

It took a near-death experience to wake me from denial

Photo by Alessio Lin on Unsplash

I almost died once. As I lay there bleeding to death, life starting to slip away, I chose to stay alive and raise my little children. As soon as I made that decision, I began to use my mind to will myself to survive. I asked to have an ambulance called and received the help I needed.

I believe when people are near death they sometimes have a choice to stay or go.

After making the choice to stay on this earth I began to question everything around me. I began to heal. I cut a toxic person from my life which led to finding a long-lost loved one. This opened a can of healing worms wide open.

The crazy thing is that while I began to heal, my world began to fall apart around me. My healing began to open my eyes to the way I had been treated by others and I refused to let the abuse continue.

I was timid and afraid but I very slowly began to make little changes and started to rebel against the regime that was my marriage.

Instead of seeing that I had married someone exactly like my mother I blamed addiction for the pain and suffering my children and I were experiencing. I had reached a point in my healing where I didn’t need to keep reliving the abuse and trauma of my childhood.

I was completely broken and depressed for many months before I began to see I could only be responsible for myself in our relationship.

I began to make changes to help me survive what had become a loveless union. I focused on my mental and emotional healing and caring for my children. I slowly crept towards the light away from the darkness my soul had been lost in.

I was still half alive when God took me out of my home and away from my husband. The last day we spent together, before my flight, was full of tension, rage, hatred. I am grateful when I look back that every sliver of hope for our future had evaporated.

I did everything possible before agreeing to be divorced.

That moment a few short years ago when I chose to live is when my life changed. Almost dying shows you the truth of what is actually important in this world. You lose your patience for all the bullcrap around you.

I wish I hadn’t been so stubborn before I woke up and let my life be changed for the better. I believe we are given wake-up messages throughout our lives which many times we ignore. Please be aware so you don’t have to reach the extreme of near-death before listening to the lessons around you.

I wish you a gentle rock bottom that changes your life for the better!