My Conscious Mind Wants Me to Be a Failure

I’m not going to let it bully me anymore!

Photo by Jimmy Conover on Unsplash

Fear of failure and success

Every time something good happens with my writing or podcasting I think it’s just a fluke. It can’t be because what I am doing is good enough or that I’m good enough. Once I get through that fear I begin to think that I will never make it. That my business will fail.

Why does success frighten me so much?

I think it has something to do with letting go of my past and becoming a new person. I am already a new person compared to who I was while I was married. Why am I afraid to change even more? I have found a new comfort zone to live in. If I am to change I will have to learn a lot more about technology and social media. Learning to work on my blog or edit my podcast is a lot of work. I know it will become much easier once I get over my hesitation and do the work. I have already gotten over the most difficult parts. Now I need to learn all of the “extra” things which could actually be kind of fun.

Before I went to school to become a healthcare worker I thought it would be so difficult to learn something totally new. I thought I was too old to learn. I thought I would feel out of place and be the only “older” student. None of those fears came true. I was the oldest student in the class but the other women were happy to have me and we enjoyed our class time together. What I had to learn was different but not difficult at all. In fact, I loved learning about my new field and couldn’t wait for each new day’s lessons. The other women in my class and I enjoyed our time together so much that we cried on our last day together.

Why am I holding myself back?

That is an intense question and I’m not sure I know the answer. I am afraid I won’t be able to make it as a businesswoman. I am afraid of helping others. What if I do something wrong that causes more difficulty for someone? I am afraid of earning a lot of money. Money brings the responsibility to use it wisely. This is an invalid fear. I use the money I have now well and will continue to learn how to use it wisely in the future.