My Conscious Mind Wants Me to Be a Failure

I’m not going to let it bully me anymore!

A woman climbing a mountain
Photo by Jimmy Conover on Unsplash

Fear of failure and success

Every time something good happens with my writing or podcasting I think it’s just a fluke. It can’t be because what I am doing is good enough or that I’m good enough. Once I get through that fear I begin to think that I will never make it. That my business will fail.

Why does success frighten me so much?

I think it has something to do with letting go of my past and becoming a new person. I am already a new person compared to who I was while I was married. Why am I afraid to change even more? I have found a new comfort zone to live in. If I am to change I will have to learn a lot more about technology and social media. Learning to work on my blog or edit my podcast is a lot of work. I know it will become much easier once I get over my hesitation and do the work. I have already gotten over the most difficult parts. Now I need to learn all of the “extra” things which could actually be kind of fun.

Before I went to school to become a healthcare worker I thought it would be so difficult to learn something totally new. I thought I was too old to learn. I thought I would feel out of place and be the only “older” student. None of those fears came true. I was the oldest student in the class but the other women were happy to have me and we enjoyed our class time together. What I had to learn was different but not difficult at all. In fact, I loved learning about my new field and couldn’t wait for each new day’s lessons. The other women in my class and I enjoyed our time together so much that we cried on our last day together.

Why am I holding myself back?

That is an intense question and I’m not sure I know the answer. I am afraid I won’t be able to make it as a businesswoman. I am afraid of helping others. What if I do something wrong that causes more difficulty for someone? I am afraid of earning a lot of money. Money brings the responsibility to use it wisely. This is an invalid fear. I use the money I have now well and will continue to learn how to use it wisely in the future.



Julia Freeman, Trauma Recovery Coach in training

I believe survivors of narcissistic abuse and domestic violence deserve to live in freedom and peace.