Mama Drama Shaming
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It’s not always what it appears to be
I’m tired of those who have a good relationship with their ex’s new partner shaming the rest of us who have a difficult co-parenting relationship and have the added fun of our ex’s abusive and toxic new partner to deal with. I’m sure you’ve seen the Facebook posts about getting along with your ex for the sake of the children. Or how about those Facebook reels about the stepmom and bio mom getting along well?
Keep your shaming to yourselves. First of all, some of these people seem like they have never really let go of the previous relationship or don’t have proper boundaries for the new relationship. If I could have a harmonious co-parenting situation I would. If the new partner wasn’t part of the abuse of my children and my place as a mother things would be different.
I should just scroll past and ignore these things when they come up but when the message is given with an especially holier than thou attitude I want to set the record straight. I feel like if you have never lived the situation some of us are in you have no right to preach to us and try to make us feel guilty for our horrible situations.
Some of us are continuing to experience post-separation abuse and your opinion about how we should all just get along adds to the abuse.
Maybe I’m taking this the wrong way. Maybe I’m not. I think these messages need to include a disclaimer about healthy people being able to have healthy relationships. If you are in a relationship of any type with someone who is mentally ill, abusive, or toxic that relationship will have zero chance of being even halfway healthy.
Spare me your sermons. Instead of your guilt-ridden messages try to share helpful tips on how you make things better. At least acknowledge that the rest of us exist. Maybe we are trying but we can’t make the other person play fair. After all, if you are divorced from the person how healthy was the relationship in the first place???
That’s my moment on the soapbox. Thanks for letting me blow off some steam.
Ps. I will never be friends with my ex-husband’s partner because he is a narcissist and he would use that to hurt her. I will never willingly be a part of his attempt to triangulate and demean another woman. Not even the woman he had an affair with and who helped to destroy our family. I am not his tool.
Thanks for reading,
Julia Freeman, an anonymous survivor
I write from my experience of being raised by a narcissist and being married to an abusive narc for over twenty years. I hope my experience helps others live free.
