October: Domestic Violence Awareness Month
Living in a Domestic Violence Shelter
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Gave me the chance for a fresh start
What makes a woman leave a 27-year marriage after having many children with her husband? The look of hatred in his eyes after a year of increasing violence, lies, and the suspicion of an affair.
Why did I stay so long? I was a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom for our whole marriage. I had nowhere to go and my family lives on the other side of the United States.
I finally left after the police asked me to get out of town while they served him with an order of protection. I called the domestic violence hotline and learned my life was in danger so I left. I ended up in a shelter over an hour away from my home.
The only way you can live in such a horrible situation is if you are in denial. You have to question everything you know to finally face the truth. It is a painful process that rocks you to your core.
The women who work at the shelter gave me information to read and were available when I had any questions. I had a safe place to live and all the time I needed to heal. I had to rewire my brain and break old habits of thought before I could begin to grasp my new reality as a divorced mom.
My husband wanted me to come home and even got temporary primary custody of our children to try to get me back. It was a struggle not to go back, especially when I could only see my children once a week for months on end. Having a place to live while I could get on my own two feet was what I needed to leave him on my first and only try. I wouldn’t have made it without the assistance I received at the shelter.
The shelter staff helped me apply for SNAP benefits, legal aid, domestic violence counseling, and job training. The children and I had access to an in-house food bank, meals, toiletries, toys, clothes, books. The resources available at the shelter helped me save the small amount of money I had for future needs.
While I was living at the shelter an intern started a support group. We met once a week to discuss topics related to controlling relationships. I drew strength from the experiences of others and became more determined to heal. I will never choose to live through a toxic relationship again.
I took the free time I had after the children went to live with their father to go to school. I graduated as a registered healthcare worker after 3 weeks of intense schooling.
A couple of months after I graduated I was working for a doctor and was soon ready to move out. Almost all the furniture and home items I needed to furnish my new apartment were donated to the shelter. I chose not to take anything from my former home with my abusive ex-husband. I didn’t want reminders of my abusive past in my new home.
I received joint custody of the children through mediation. The children and I are building a new family. I’m doing well as a single mom and continue to heal so I can provide my children with a happy, loving home.
I ended up living in the shelter for almost a year. I was a stay-at-home and homeschooling mom when I left my husband. I didn’t have any credit cards in my name or more than a few hundred dollars in savings. I did not want to live off of family and friends. Living at the shelter gave me the time I needed to get my life together so I had a fighting chance out in the world.
I went into the shelter as a downtrodden woman barely able to make a peep on her own and left a strong, confident woman ready to take on the world. I am told I am a success story. I know I am living the life I have today because of my faith and the support I received while at the shelter. I have emerged from my cocoon and I am flying free.
