I Will Be Assertive and Break Free From the Control of Narcissistic Abuse

Photo by Total Shape on Unsplash

As a survivor of narcissistic abuse, I am struggling with standing up for myself and my children.

I have to advocate for one of my children and every time I do I feel like the situation will turn into a dramatic fight. I think this is because the narcs have trained me never to stand up for myself.

I can write a polite email in a calm and kind tone and still worry all hell is going to break loose. This is so stressful that I would rather avoid doing anything at all. I am only asking that my child be allowed to do what has already been agreed to and I’m still that stressed about making someone mad.

My son has the legal right to receive the help I am asking for. In fact, the person denying his request for help is wrong. I am still afraid to write to her. I will do it anyway. I have to be assertive to learn to be assertive. There’s no way out of this process.

Let’s look over a list of things we have the right to do and ask for:

You have the right to ask for what You want.

You have the right to say no to requests or demands you can’t meet.

You have the right to express your feelings, positive or negative.

You have the right to change your mind.

You have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.

You have the right to determine your own priorities.

You have the right not to be responsible for others’ behavior, actions, feelings, or problems.

You have the right to expect honesty from others.

You have the right to be angry at someone you love.

You have the right to feel scared and say, “I’m afraid.”

You have the right not to give reasons for your behavior.

You have the right to make decisions based on your feelings.

You have the right to your own needs for personal time.

You have the right to be playful and frivolous.

You have the right to be healthier than those around you.

You have the right to be in a non-abusive environment.

You have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.

I am adding to the list:

You have the right to advocate for your children.

Here’s my plan to release the stress of sending an email that most people wouldn’t think twice about.

I will read my “rights” a few times and believe them.

I will write about the experience and try to uncover more about why asking for what is good and right is so painful to me.

I will remember I am setting a good example for my children and teaching them how to be assertive.

I will remind myself that I didn’t do anything wrong. If someone is angry that I requested what is allowed for my child I will remember that is their problem and not mine. I will let the expectation of their response go and know I did what was right in a way that did not go against how I choose to treat and present myself to others.

I will remember these feelings come from my experiences of interacting with personality-disordered people and they are not applicable to normal interactions.

I will pray for peace.

I will remember we all make mistakes and if I made a mistake that is okay.

I will put this into proper perspective. Will I be labeled a “difficult” parent by this person? Maybe. Did I do what was right? Yes. Do I have the right to advocate for my child when this person is not listening to him? Absolutely!

I will reach out to my community. There are many parents out there who face these difficulties and I can hear their stories and draw on their strength and experience.

I will acknowledge that I just took a step forward in being assertive and celebrate my victory over narcissistic abuse.

I hope my experience helps you if you are also struggling to be assertive.

Blessings,

Julia

Originally published at https://learningtolivefree.flywheelsites.com on October 3, 2022.

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I write to help others learn to live free and move forward in their healing journey. . Learningtolivefree.me

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