I Met With My Narcissist Ex-Husband
And lived to tell the tale
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Recently I met with my narcissist ex-husband. By the time our meeting was over I felt that our whole relationship was broken by me and all of my arguing. We didn’t even meet to talk about what happened between us but he was able to work in enough about how he believed I was dishonest and ruined our marriage by arguing with him that I began to doubt what I knew to be the truth.
I had to list off all the violent episodes he had ever perpetrated so I could break the spell. Even if I only listed all the road rage incidents, arrests, violence against our children, drunk driving, and other events that I witnessed but was not involved in I have to admit he has a problem outside of any influence I ever had over him.
This is why it’s so important to stay no or low contact with narcissists. It’s so easy to fall back into their delusional world.
I was on a Facebook group that supports narcissistic abuse survivors the same day and was able to reply to a question about why the narcissist always has to place the blame on us:
“It is their delusional world. In order for you to live in it, you have to agree with his lies, etc., or go insane. When we are forced to co-parent with them we have to live above their delusion. Any time we must communicate with them we will have to work to recover from being pulled in even for a few minutes. Over time we grow stronger and don’t lose our balance as often. At some point, you will be able to stop caring that he thinks it is your fault. Your truth will be stronger than his lies. I think something that helps is just accepting what he is just as we accept that the sky is blue. I struggle with wanting to set the record straight when I forget that his opinion of me does not matter. In my normal world, people love me and would never think of me the way he does or his flying monkeys do. You can tell your world is the “real” one by how many more people are in it than are in his. They play mind games with us but we don’t have to participate. I am seeing this after spending an hour and a half with my ex after hardly speaking to him for years. He still had me doubting my truth and now I am working to regain my strength. This is why these people are so dangerous.”
We did come to an agreement during our meeting but in true narc fashion, he has yet to follow up as planned so we still haven’t moved forward. I think he is using this as a way to control me while he can. I am aware that we are playing a game and he is now in the “love bombing” stage of the cycle of abuse. All of his polite texts and well wishes no longer play on my emotions. If anything, they alert me that another abusive episode is on the horizon.
I still think I did the right thing and I know his greed will probably win out in the end and he will finalize the agreement so we can move on with our lives without a court case held over our heads.
From a content creation standpoint, I have been inspired by this meeting to podcast and write on a few topics. I feel stronger after having played with fire and am better prepared for the next time we may have to meet in person.
Stay tuned this week for my latest podcast and articles on what I learned from my meeting with my narcissist ex-husband.
Have you ever had to meet with the abuser after getting away to freedom?
Stay free!
❤ Julia
