How to Survive When the Narcissist Punishes You With the New Supply
When you refuse to play his games you will be punished
--
The Narcissist and the New Supply
The narcissist plays by his own rule book. He is entitled to lie, cheat, and steal and your job is to take it. In order to continue the privilege of a relationship with the narcissist, your job is to turn a blind eye to the madness. Once you see the truth the narcissist will send you on your way and then flaunt the person he has been cheating with in your face. Didn’t you know you deserve this punishment for refusing to go along with his storyline?
Beware when you see the truth of who the narcissist is.
Did the narcissist move someone in right after you left? If you co-parent has the abuser brought the new person to child exchanges? Are you freaking out because of the pain of seeing how quickly he moved on or because you found out he had been cheating before you even left?
This is one of the most painful tactics the narcissist uses to make us feel like we never mattered.
The sad reality is we were just a pawn in their game. We have to keep telling ourselves the new supply is now in pain as well. We have escaped the direct abuse and the new supply will now be taking it instead.
No matter how happy and perfect the new relationship seems you have to know it is just the same old play you were in with a new character to play the abused.
The New Supply as Tool of Punishment
To make the story more convincing the abuser will do some of the things he denied you with the new supply. That house he said he wouldn’t buy for you? He will buy an even better house with her. He will seem to become a more involved father and partner but you already know it’s all just an act.
He will pretend to be all of the things you asked him to be to make you feel worthless and like you never mattered to him.
Watch as he takes her on all the dates he used to take you on. He will do the same things he used to do with you and your children with the new supply. It is almost like he is trying to replace you in their memories.
The only way through this with your mental and emotional health intact is to realize you are free and can never go back. Use all the abuse as a way to propel you forward on your own journey.
Working Through the Pain
How do you deal with the narcissist flaunting the new supply in your face?
You spazz out at first and let it get to you. This is a natural response and you are only human so cut yourself some slack. You will probably freak out, cry, and tell your friends about it. You have to release the energy after feeling the emotions to see your way through the mess.
Once your initial shock has been worn away you will mourn your lost relationship. You have to face the truth about how the narc felt about you.
Leaving a narcissist and then seeing the truth of the situation sends you through the grief process. You have to go through all the stages so you can build a strong foundation for your future healing. Be gentle with yourself as you work through this.
After you survive the turmoil you will have acceptance of the situation. This is when you are able to live above how the narcissist, the new supply, and their flying monkeys poke at you for a reaction.
As you get further from all of it time-wise your strength will begin to show. You will become a calm place in the storm for your children. The narcissist will see he cannot get a reaction from you and move on to bother others. You become drama-proof. This is a new kind of freedom that allows you to keep your energy poured into your life instead of into thoughts of what the narcissist is doing.
Enter Freedom and Peace
You have walked through fire and come out on the other side to live a life of true freedom and peace.
Be blessed in your new life.
❤ Julia
