Aug 26, 2021
Fired Into Freedom
Chapter Twenty-Six
I apologize for how rough these chapters are. I have been short on time and unable to go back and rewrite. The idea of this project is to get the rough draft out and then rewrite later. Thanks for your patience in reading this messy draft.
Once the abuser moved we had to meet at a local shop to exchange children at 3 in the afternoon 2–3 times a week.
I have no idea what we were thinking when we agreed to this inconvenient schedule. We both worked out of town with a lengthy commute so there is no way this ever would have worked in the real world. It’s just another example of how broken the family court system is. Both of our attorneys worked on this parenting plan and we all proofread it but didn’t catch how badly this exchange time and frequency could impact our lives.
While the abuser had lived locally the exchange time had worked out because the kids could take the bus home from school to my place or their dad’s. Now that he had moved and it was summertime we had to meet somewhere else. It would have made more sense for him to just pick the children up at my place since it was only a mile from the exchange point. But if he had to suffer for moving so far away the rest of us did too.
Since I worked part-time I was able to get by for a few weeks before I had to let my supervisor know that I would either have to leave early or not work on exchange days. She fired me because I wasn’t able to give two week’s notice of the schedule change.
I applied for unemployment but was not eligible. I began to do gig work as much as possible and was able to scrape by on my savings and by using the food bank to reduce our food costs.
Once I had built up enough regulars with my side gig I began to make more than I had while being employed and didn’t have to work as many hours either. I enjoyed the higher hourly pay and the freedom to make my schedule however I wanted it. I had time to care for the children and go on adventures with them. The only downside was that I had to work most weekends as that was when more work was available.
Somehow every time I thought I would be short and unable to pay my bills I would be given money by a friend, or an unexpected check would come in the mail. I never had to pay anything late. When it looked like I would be short for rent a local domestic violence agency paid two months of my rent because I had lost income due to Covid-19.
I was under the gun to save enough for an upcoming custody court date. Somehow I was able to pay my attorney and prepare for court.
As the court date drew nearer the abuser began to act more erratically. I noticed he was not providing car seats for our little ones and I offered to buy them if needed via email. That turned into a whole dramatic mess but he did finally use car seats for them.
One day he changed our meeting location last minute and I had no choice but to comply. When I arrived he was standing in the building and obviously recording me through the window with his phone. Later he would accuse me of recording him in court. Projection at its finest.
Another time I arrived right after he did and he parked on the other side of the building and made our little ones walk around the building through a busy parking lot to meet me. I still don’t know what that episode was about.
Every chance he got he would demean me via email and accuse me of wasting his resources that he could be spending on our children. I made 1/3 of his income at the time. I was struggling to provide for our children because he had moved so far away and we had to involve the family court system to reach a solution to the problem he caused.
Some days I collapsed in tears about why he was so awful to me. I grew stronger with each insult and attack he made via email and text. I learned to not take on his emotions and his problems. I learned to realize he was out of control and wanted me to feel his wrath but I could choose how I felt and responded to his mess.
There is freedom in choosing to write my own story in how I think of the things he does and how I respond to him. I wish he would just go away and leave us alone as I have heard many narcissists eventually do but I don’t think he will. I have to learn how to live with this. I have to learn how to let things wash over me and not take them to heart. I have to heal enough that other people’s crazy does not change my life or emotions in any way.
I will live free!
Here’s the rest of the story.
