Communicating with a Narcissist

How to protect your mental and emotional health when you can’t go no-contact

Photo by Austin Distel on Unsplash

Number One

Don’t?

Okay, okay, I’m kidding.

Communication with someone who is more interested in destroying you than finding a resolution to a problem can be its own form of torture. Do yourself a favor and only communicate when you absolutely have to and in a way that protects your mental and emotional health.

Today I’m here to share some of the things I’ve learned to make communication with a toxic person easier.

Finding Balance

Whether you are communicating with an ex-partner, family member, friend, or coworker you can find a way to protect yourself mentally and emotionally.

You might start out by meeting in person and then making boundaries for yourself when things don’t go well. If they begin to twist your words you can record the conversation to hold everyone accountable. If they are abusive you can tighten your boundaries and only communicate if there is a witness available. Lastly, you can go into full boundary mode and only communicate via email.

Email is one of the best ways to communicate with someone who changes the narrative or lies about what was said in a meeting. Now you have everything documented and can refer to what was written if there is any confusion

If the usual mode of communication is text messages you can insist on email only if the other person has decided to abuse the privilege of having access to you through the phone.

Boundaries

Here is my list of boundaries for communicating through email:

1. Make sure it is totally necessary to send the email.
2. Pray. I pray and wait before hitting send. It’s best to wait at least 24 hours after writing your first draft. Often when you reread it a day later you find that you can make it shorter or revise for further clarity. This also helps your mind learn to stay calm and clear when dealing with difficult emails.
3. Focus on yourself. I try not to let the potential answers to the email weigh on my heart and mind. Sometimes I use the nervous energy I am feeling to get caught up on work. I clear off that to-do list, put extra energy into my writing, and give my children extra hugs.
4. Set boundaries. Use one email address just for difficult communications. Decide when you will check for an email and stick to it.
5. Reward yourself. Plan a treat or something relaxing to do after you have finished replying to a difficult conversation.
6. Have a support system. Have someone you can talk to about the craziness so you can let it go. Journaling can also help release negative energy. It is best to get it out so you aren’t letting it hurt you.
7. Detach emotionally. Protect yourself so the narcissist doesn’t take anything else from you. Your freedom and peace are worth all the work to stay free from mental and emotional turmoil.
8. Avoid unhealthy coping habits. Don’t let this person make you into someone you don’t want to be.

Guess What?

I recorded a podcast episode on communicating with a narcissist which has more information than I shared above. Here’s the link:

You can find me on Facebook and Instagram.

Keep living in freedom and peace,

❤ Julia