Abusive Narcissists Give You Fair Warning

Ignore their red flags and live a life of despair

Photo by Sammy Williams on Unsplash

I sat on the porch feeling conflicted about my relationship with my boyfriend. We had been dating for a few months and something felt off to me. I was only 17 with very little experience and couldn’t explain what made me feel uneasy. He asked me what was wrong and I answered nothing. I didn’t know how to explain what was on my heart.

He walked away from me and punched his classic car denting the metal panel. I knew I couldn't break up with him. It would hurt him too much.

Little did I know his shocking display of violence was a control tactic to keep me where he wanted me. I would marry him and spend over 25 years with increasing violence and heartache before I escaped.

Here are some of the early red flags I ignored. If I could go back to that night I would teach myself the truth about this childish man and avoid years of pain and suffering for me and my children.

1. Before he asked me out he was at my house every weekend even while I was at work. He began to offer me rides to work and then began picking me up for my mom. He was always there watching me and what I was doing. Now that I look back on this experience I know he was stalking me and I am shocked that my mother allowed it.
2. His father was an unemployed alcoholic.
3. His uncle was an unemployed drug addict.
4. After we began dating he would show up unannounced at my house.
5. He punched his car because I wasn’t in my usual mood.
6. He got in fights.
7. He “road raged” with me in the car.
8. His father mentioned other girls when I would call to ask for my boyfriend.
9. His father drove drunk with us in the car and my boyfriend didn’t seem bothered by it.
10. He was one of those people who would blast his car stereo no matter how late it was and who he might disturb.
11. He insulted me in front of my friends and coworkers. I know now he was testing my boundaries to see how easy I was to verbally abuse. If I ever complained about his emotional abuse I was told he was just joking, I was too serious or sensitive or I took it the wrong way. I always felt like I was wrong to object to anything I thought was mistreatment. I was even wrong to think it was mistreatment.

Over the years he would escalate his shows of violence to throwing things, kicking holes in a door, and blocking me in rooms so I couldn’t escape his rants. If I could go back in time I would break up with him and find a safe place to stay until he moved on to his next victim.

Now that I am free I will do my best to continue surviving and leading my children to a peaceful life of freedom.