Abuse is Not Your Fault

We are all responsible for our own actions


Photo by Emma Harrisova on Unsplash

Believing someone “had” to abuse you because of who you are or what you did puts all of the responsibility for their actions solidly on your shoulders. This is another control tactic abusers use. Think of the mind control and brainwashing involved in this tactic. You feel guilty for the abuse. You try even harder to be “better” so the abuser will stop hurting you. This is a game you can never win.

If you ever see the truth the abuser will lose control over you.

You will have to battle against all of the lies, manipulation, and gaslighting you have been living with to begin to see the truth.

Everyone is responsible for their own behavior no matter what someone else did to them.

When you stop taking responsibility for what an abuser does the responsibility will return to where it belongs. The Abuser.

You can refuse responsibility for someone else’s actions at any time. This is the beginning of great healing. Your brain and emotions will begin to heal and begin to respond in a normal way to abuse. You will no longer tolerate the treatment you were used to receiving.

You have begun to step into your strength and healing.

Your eyes are open and can never be blind to abuse again. Your life will change. There is no stopping it.

Allowing and pursuing this healing is the worst thing you can do to someone who has abused you. You are no longer an object they are allowed to use. Setting yourself free destroys them. You will begin to see who they have always been and they will lose their hold on you.

It will take a lot of work to allow your mind and body to heal. You are in a fight against the cycle of abuse you are used to living in. Your body and mind are used to the powerful hormones that go along with the cycle of abuse. This is why it’s so hard to leave an abusive relationship.

When you remove yourself you will go into withdrawal. You have to heal and learn to live in peace instead of chaos and drama. Life will seem lifeless and dull at first. Your heart and mind will be in extreme pain after losing what you are used to. You will have to fight for your freedom.

The thoughts will come to try to convince you to return to what you know. You will hear the abuser’s words in your mind. Sometimes friends and loved ones will tell you to go back. You may feel like you are all alone in this fight.

You have to keep fighting the lies with the truth. You have to eradicate the bad thoughts. It will get easier but it will take time. You already have the strength within you for this battle. When you begin to stand in that strength you will become stronger day by day as you battle to be free.

Part of healing is finding community. You will begin to reconnect with the world you have been isolated from. You will find your tribe and they will help you move forward.

Your life will never be the same again.

Who knows where this journey to freedom will take you. Life is an amazing and exciting thing, especially when you find it again.


❤ Julia



Julia Freeman, Trauma Recovery Coach in training

I believe survivors of narcissistic abuse and domestic violence deserve to live in freedom and peace.